my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
