i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have tasted many bathrooms
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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