I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I believe in your delicious
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize