College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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