Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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