Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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