But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize