I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
