mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
