I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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