Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
