just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't turn off my feet"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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