she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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