I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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