I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
