i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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