dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
