Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
