yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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