i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You made out with two different species that night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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