I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize