There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
that is very illegal...i love you.
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