Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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