I am in a vortex of obligation.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it's like iHOP with fire
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
