it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
