We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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