I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
