I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
