just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
