Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you never un-have a 4some
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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