i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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