I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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