I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
