Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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