i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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