this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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