So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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