Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
