im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
