I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
