I hate your face
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
