yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
