I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
