Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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