I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
