I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He did a backflip because drugs
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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