therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I want to fling myself into the sun
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
