never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
