i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
