Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have post one night stand depression
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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