i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
