ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
