Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
