My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
