i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
