my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
