my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
