She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize