So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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