I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
