quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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