My cat gives me a boner
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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