She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
