what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you win again, gameday.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
