I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
