dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't deserve a penis
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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