Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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