According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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