she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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