Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
