dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what day is it and did you see me today?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
