im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
