there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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