The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Panties = found
Randomize
