Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
