you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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