I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize