smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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