and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
