Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
