youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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