Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
