her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
