u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
