no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
