Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize