hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
