No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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