we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize