I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
