I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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