i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
