There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
