dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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