In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
