I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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