Your tits are I can't wait for
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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