I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
