True but thats because hes a fetus.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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